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comfortable not giving out your number, but if he really would
like to get together, he can give you his number. If he s Mr.
Player, he won t be that excited to have you calling him. Mr.
Possible is more likely to respect your desire to feel safe. If he
does give you his number, ask him if he really does want you to
call, and if so, when is the best time.
If The Opportunity Comes Up
Flirting Made Easy Copyright © 2009 by Kara Oh All Rights Reserved
45
There are more ways to suss out the players but only if the
conversation invites you to do so. If not, you can save these for the
first date, but no later.
When it fits into the conversation, mention you like to get to
know a man slowly, to see where it s going. Offer this in a
playful way. This tells him you re interested in long-term
without saying it that directly. It will also tell him you re not
going to have sex with him any time soon. (We ll talk later
about when the time for sex is right.) Mr. Player will leave the
moment he can, Mr. Possible will be intrigued because he sees
you have a high level of self-respect.
If you have children, when it fits into the conversation, casually
mention something about your kids. Something they ve
accomplished lately, school starting or ending for the summer,
etc. Anything that just slides into the conversation but nothing
about kid problems. Keep it upbeat. You don t want to say
point blank, You need to know I have children. But you don t
want to hide the fact and shock him after a few dates and he s
developed real interest in you. That s not fair to him.
= = = = =
Secret About Men: When you do mention kids, Mr. Player will leave
as soon as humanly possible. Mr. Possible will maybe stay to learn
more. I say maybe because it takes an exceptional man to be willing to
take on another man s children. He knows there will be emotional and
financial responsibilities as well as taking 2nd place behind your kids.
He also knows if he gets involved with you, he s also taking on a
relationship with the children s father, if he s in their lives. So even a
really great Mr. Possible very well might not want to stick around, no
matter how terrific you are. But you might as well know that sooner
than later.
= = = = =
Some of these things can wait until the first date, but above all, allow
your Feminine Grace to guide you at all times and let him know
Flirting Made Easy Copyright © 2009 by Kara Oh All Rights Reserved
46
you re up to Mr. Player s tricks. You want every man you meet to
know you are a lady and expect to be treated with respect.
This means:
" You don t allow disrespect
" You don t give him the impression you re easy
" You are open and honest about what you want and require, but
in a gracious way, so he knows you know what you want.
To accomplish your goal to suss out Mr. Player from Mr. Possible,
you need to be fully and completely in your most powerful state of
Feminine Grace or you will come across as a women who plows over
men, a woman with Masculine Confidence. Think Grace Kelly,
Audrey Hepburn, Princess Diana. You must also have your intuition
turned all the way up.
Who s Interested In Whom?
Here is some advice to follow, depending on who is interested and
who is not. Always be gracious so you never end up looking bad. You
do have complete control over this.
Neither of you are interested:
If neither of you are interested, great, neither of you have to waste any
more time. Finish your conversation graciously and move right along.
He s interested but you re not:
If he s interested but you are not, there are two options to consider.
1. Even though your initial reaction is not positive, if it is not
really negative, but a bit neutral, I recommend you go out with
him at least 3 times. Why? Because, as I mentioned earlier,
women can become attracted to a man by who he is and how he
treats you, children, old people& those things that can melt a
woman s heart.
2. If you re definitely not interested, here s what you say if he
asks for your number or for a date. You seem like a terrific
guy (man), but for me, the chemistry just isn t there. I m sorry.
Flirting Made Easy Copyright © 2009 by Kara Oh All Rights Reserved
47
No one can argue chemistry. It may not be the real reason but
it s the easiest way to stop him from pursuing you. Maybe his
teeth are gross, or he has a strange laugh, or he s a different
religion and you want someone of the same faith. Maybe you re
a staunch Republican and he s a Libertarian. It doesn t really
matter. If he isn t someone you want to get to know better, it s
great to discover that sooner than later, before either of you
waste another precious minute of your time.
You re interested but he s not:
If you re interested but he s not and doesn t ask for your number or
for a date, here s what you do. You say to yourself, Oh well. I guess
it wasn t a good fit, and you do not, DO NOT, take it personally.
There s no point feeling bad when you have no clue who this man
really is. Remember, at this stage, he s a stranger. If you look at it as
an enjoyable time flirting with a man who helped you get your energy
jazzed up, it will give you a different perspective.
When you meet an attractive man but it goes nowhere, it s just one
more man closer to the right one. If you keep this attitude you won t
waste a bit of energy on a total stranger.
You re both interested& What happens next?
Chapter Two
Getting Him To Notice You re Special
Okay, he likes you, you like him, and you re both enjoying getting
acquainted. You need to be memorable for him to want to phone you
later. You need to stand out among other women he s met so he can t
stop thinking about you.
Because you ve been working on your energy, he will be impressed
even though he is unaware of the subtle nuances of why he s attracted
to you:
Flirting Made Easy Copyright © 2009 by Kara Oh All Rights Reserved
48
" You are positive and upbeat
" You make him feel comfortable because you understand his
fears about making a good impression.
" You make him feel safe because you remember his heart is like
a fragile, baby bird.
" You look for things he admires about himself so you can
acknowledge, appreciate and compliment him.
" You have Feminine Confidence, not the typical Masculine
Confidence, which allows him to shine as a man, what he wants
to do more than anything.
" You let him know you are a lady and expect to be treated with
respect.
This is a great beginning because most women are missing one or
more of these elements.
= = = = =
Secret About Men: He needs to impress you. The way you can
impress him is to simply let him know he is succeeding in impressing
you.
= = = = =
The above secret about men is impossible for you to accomplish if
you stay in your Masculine Confidence. You must be in your
Feminine Confidence energy in order to do what is required to stand
out as an exceptional woman.
= = = = =
Secret About Men: Men are easily turned off when you speak to
them as you do your girlfriends.
= = = = =
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