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been dressed like a cheerleader. In fact, she was sitting with
a couple of the other cheerleaders again. I didn t ignore
her I waved and sort of smiled but I joined Russel,
Gunnar, and Em, not her. I sensed Leah watching me
from that other table, but she didn t come over. Clearly,
she got the message I was transmitting.
A production assistant informed us they were dividing
the extras into two groups.
That ll be first and second unit, said Gunnar to
Russel, Em, and me.
What? I said. Gunnar was back to making no sense.
He explained how half of us would be working with the
director and stars, and the other half would be shooting
backgrounds and exteriors with an assistant director. 61
I didn t care which group I ended up in I just didn t
want to be in the same one as Leah. It was awkward enough
seeing her; I didn t want to have to actually talk to her too.
The production assistant split us into the two groups.
Gunnar and I were in one group; Russel, Kevin, Em, and
Leah were in the other one. I was genuinely surprised by
how relieved I felt. It was almost like I was afraid to spend
time next to Leah.
All right! said the production assistant. Let s move
out!
Suddenly Russel stepped up next to me.
Do you mind if we switch groups? he asked.
What? I said. Why? This was terrible! It meant I d
have to be with Leah after all.
Russel leaned closer. I m trying to avoid Kevin.
I confess that at that moment, I was very, very annoyed
with Russel.
I don t think that s okay with the producers, I said.
Switching, I mean. The production assistant had said
something about how important it was to stay in our groups.
Russel shook his head. No, it s okay. I just asked.
But
What?
I desperately tried to think of some reason to turn Russel
62 down, but nothing came to mind. He didn t even know
about Leah yet, and it was far too complicated to explain
now. Besides, it was my fault that Kevin was there in the
first place, so it made sense that I should be the one to
make the sacrifice.
Well, then, I said. Okay.
Thanks, Min, he said.
I forced out a smile and soldiered my way over to join
Leah in the other group.
It s impossible to avoid someone when you ve been
assigned to be in the same group but that doesn t mean I
didn t try. As the production assistants led us to where we
were supposed to go, I did my best to stay on the other side
of the cluster of extras. Em was in my group too, also
dressed like a cheerleader.
What s up? she asked me.
Huh? I said. Oh, not much.
I think we re turning into zombies.
What?
Em pointed to her face. The yellow makeup? I think
the transformation has begun.
Only now did I realize that the faces of all us teenage
extras had been given a yellow tint, not just mine. I d been
too distracted before by Leah to notice.
Oh, right, I said. That makes sense. 63
A few minutes later, we reached the school gymnasium.
It was an old-style gym, with dingy paint and a bruised and
battered hardwood floor. It smelled like an antique shop, a
mix of moisture and crusty old varnish. The camera had
already been set up, and once again it looked like a typical
gymnasium in front of the camera, and a hi-tech catastro-
phe behind it. A swarm of assistants buzzed around the
director, which told me that I d been chosen for the first
unit, the one with the actual actors.
You, said a production assistant to Leah. Get
together with the other cheerleaders.
Of course he wanted Leah to stand next to Em and me.
Leah hesitated, but I knew she had no choice but to do
what the assistant had said.
Hi, she said, not looking me in the eye.
Hi, I said. Since she wasn t looking me in the eye, I
saw no reason to keep looking her in the eye. In a minute,
I knew they d start rolling, so maybe I wouldn t have to
talk to her after all. If this scene was like all the others,
however, I knew there d be lots of waiting around
between takes.
A production assistant pointed out our marks, which
was where we extras were supposed to stand during the
filming. A group of jocks in gym shorts, one of whom was
64 Kevin, was pretending to play basketball.
Okay, said the production assistant to us three cheer-
leaders. Just act like you re practicing a cheer.
Practicing a cheer? I said dubiously.
The production assistant must have heard the note of
panic in my voice, because she said, It s okay if it looks
awkward. You re turning into zombies, remember? She
demonstrated what she wanted us to do clearly the very
simplest of cheerleading moves. Just like this, she said.
Over and over again. You can make sounds, but it ll all be
rerecorded later anyway.
Well, I said. Okay.
All right! called the director, let s try a rehearsal!
Rolling! And action!
Leah and I stood on our marks with Em. Pom-poms in
hand, I tried to act the way the production assistant had
showed us.
No, no! said the director. You there!
He was pointing right at me.
Huh? I said.
Not that out of synch! he said. You re not a zombie
yet!
I buried my face in my pom-poms. Oh, my God, I m
so bad I don t even make a good zombie-cheerleader, I
moaned. 65
Leah heard me. You ll be fine, she said gently. Here,
do it like this.
I looked up, and she demonstrated the cheerleader
move again, very slowly.
Wow, I said, forgetting to be uncomfortable around
her. You re good at this.
I tried my best to imitate her, and I guess I did okay,
because at least the director didn t single me out for utter
humiliation again.
Soon the real actors materialized on the set, and we
began filming. The actors had some dialogue about their
classmates, how worried they were about whatever was
happening to us, zombie-wise.
There s a funny thing about acting, however: if you act
a certain way, you start to feel a certain way. By acting like
a cheerleader, even a part-zombie-cheerleader, I couldn t
help feeling happy. Feeling happy, meanwhile, reminded
me how I had felt around Leah that first night out.
After a couple of takes, the director had to talk with the
actors, so we extras had some time to ourselves.
Leah stepped in close to me. Between her pom-poms
and my pom-poms, it felt like we were all alone somewhere
in a thicket of bushes.
66 Look, she said quietly. I ve been thinking about what
we talked about at that movie. About coming out? I think I
sounded a little casual. Believe me, this isn t casual to me.
I have thought about coming out. A lot.
You have? I said.
Yeah. It s just . . . complicated. Up until now, I thought
I d made the right decision. But I can see it s bothering you,
and I want you to know that I don t know what s going to
be right for me a few months from now.
Really?
Really, said Leah. But for the time being, I just want
to wait and see.
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